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Oh, I See

I don’t mean to be needy but I’m so small and can’t do much for myself. I look in your eye and it scares me. I don’t think you want to care for me. Oh, I see I’m more than you bargained for. I can’t help that you have to do so much for me. I’ll try not to need so much so you won’t be so stressed.

I don’t mean to cry so much. When I do, your face is all red and scrunched up, like my bottom when it has diaper rash. Your face must really hurt. Oh, I see my crying hurts you. I can’t help it, something inside of me makes me cry. I’m sorry my crying hurts you, I’ll try not to do that so much.

I don’t mean to think so much. When I ask you about why the sky is blue and where the sun goes at night. You say I think too much. I can’t help it. I want to know about the world and everything about it. I want to fit in and do good. I’m sorry that makes your face look mean and you yell at me. I’m really not trying to bother you. Oh, I see, my questions bother you. I’ll try not to ask them, so I won’t bother you.

I don’t mean to need you so much. When I want to hug you and have you hug me, you push me away. You say I’m smothering you. I’m not trying to; I just need love and affection. Oh, I see, my hugs are too much for you. They make you want to run and hide. I’ll try not to need a hug, because I want you to stay here with me and not run away.

I don’t mean to run after you so much. I just need to know I’m loved and cared for. I’m not sure with you. Can’t we talk about our feelings and what it’s like to fall in love? Your eyes narrow and you say that’s silly stuff. Now go away. Oh, I see, my emotions aren’t worth your time. I’ll try not to feel anything, I wouldn’t want to waste your time.

I’m grown and now I understand. My needs, my thoughts, my emotions, and my feelings are something bad about me. I must not need what I need, think what I think, ask questions, have emotions, or feel what I feel. You have taught me well. Now, I’m ready to join the world and be like you.